Shivering Nights and Fizzling Hearts

Featuring Tanwyn & Eru
End of Winter, 762 NA
Silverwood (In Tanwyn's Hollow), Silverthorne

~* Tanwyn *~

Throughout winter, Tanwyn’s duties had slowly become more and more menial the larger she grew. At first, her patrol routes had become shorter, and then eventually the other soldiers simply refused to patrol with her, deeming her a hazard. This, Tanwyn could find some logic in. She slowed them down, and they couldn’t feel truly prepared, knowing if there was an attack on them her baby would be at risk. So Tanwyn started volunteering to take tasks set close to the Silverflame. She handled disputes amongst quarreling herd-members and assisted does in reaching certain feeding grounds and so on. But eventually, the time had finally come near the end of winter, when Ruibh came to her and told her she must take her leave of absence until their child came. Tanwyn had known it was coming, her sides had grown so swollen that it had become difficult to traverse through the deep snows of winter, and her usual agility and speed had been severely impeded. Apart of her was sad to have to set aside her duties. But she knew also that it was for the best for her and her child.

So Tanwyn had retreated back to the depths of the Silverwood. She spent many days with Kipande at her tree with her two little ones, taking observation of how the dark hind raised and watched her babies. She asked questions when they arose, and Kipande offered her advice for things that Tanwyn would otherwise have been ignorant of. Tanwyn then returned to her hollowed tree, hidden in the Silverwood, and began preparing it for the arrival of her babe. She used her flames to melt down the snows all around the tree, and lined the inside of the giant hollow with soft dried grasses and leaves and even the pelts of fox and rabbit that she had bartered for in the Vale.

Today was warmer than the last several had been. But the skies were dreary and overcast, and a slow, lazy veil of snowflakes were falling from the sky. They were large flakes, and heavy and wet because of the warmer atmosphere. Spring was just around the corner and Tanwyn thought perhaps this may be one of the last flurries the herd would need to endure. She remained tucked in her hollow most of the day, her thoughts listless and dark. She hadn’t seen Eru since their fight at the beginning of winter. And she had avoided him as much as he had her. But now there fight had seemed so… far away. And she found she missed the company of her summer-time friend. She wondered now how he had fared through the winter. What was he doing right now? Did he ever think about her? Would they ever be friends again?  By mid-afternoon Tanwyn couldn’t stand it any longer and slowly pushed herself to her hooves. She needed movement. She didn’t need to dwell on these woeful things right now. She had better things to be thinking about.

Her dappled body slinked out of the entrance of her tree hollow, and she stretched the cramped stiffness from her legs, sighing softly as the oxygen she exhaled came out as a plume of crystal vapor. Everything was quiet in the forest. Everything was covered in a beautiful blanket of white, and the flakes fell across her back and clung to her fur, lightening her rosey coat to near white.

Then, she heard a sound. The soft, squelchy crunch of hooves through snow. Her ears pricked forward as she peered out between the trees. It was rare that a fellow fawnling traversed through this part of the forest. She lit a small ball of fire, which hovered beside her head, ready to defend if this vagrant turned out to be an enemy.

“Who goes?” She called out softly.

-Eru-

All through the past month or so, Eru had been going about life as usual, patrolling from dawn to dusk with a determined will to keep Blackwoods and Oakferns at bay. They were particularly bad this time of year, rut attracting many of the thieving darkies towards their border. They stole does, bred them, and tainted the Silverthorne line. He wouldn’t allow it, not if he could do anything about it. Already this season he’d fended off several wandering stags who would otherwise have preyed on the defenseless does of Silverthorne.

Still, though he had spent every ounce of his energy protecting does who found themselves a bit too close to the border, there was one particular doe he couldn’t quite stop thinking about. Tanwyn. The rosey grey had been on his mind ever since their fight. They hadn’t spoken since then; in fact, they’d been somewhat avoiding one another. He’d seen her occasionally in morning meetings with other soldiers but hadn’t been put on patrol with her again. In fact, most soldiers had been refusing to, given her pregnancy, and he hadn’t seen her around in the most recent weeks. He was glad they’d finally acted, finally told her she needed to take some time off. It wasn’t good for her to be doing so much when she was so close to giving birth. Not only could she hurt herself, she could hurt the growing fawn inside of her, and as much as Eru was upset about its existence in the first place, he wouldn’t wish a miscarriage, premature birth, or deformity on anyone. In Silverthorne, all of those cases meant immediate death. Sure, he was upset with the current situation, but that didn’t change the fact that Tanwyn was his friend.

That, of course, was the fact that truly bothered him. They were friends, but they hadn’t spoken in a while and he’d been treating her horribly… he knew that, and he regretted it. He never meant to do so, he always found himself calm enough beforehand, but every time he saw her and that swollen stomach of hers it renewed the feelings from before. But that was different now; he needed to fix things. He’d acted out, been angry and upset, even participated in rut this year, sparring, fighting, even taking a doe as if that would somehow make him feel better about the fact that Tanwyn was having a fawn this rut as well. He didn’t regret the choices he’d made… but he couldn’t stand to just pretend like it’d fixed things, or even helped them. He had to see her, had to talk to her and make things right.

It was somewhat later in the day, after a morning patrol of a small border section, and snow was falling in great clumps of flakes, bringing about a slight chill, though he could easily fend that off with a quick burst of flame on his pelt. He plodded along with some hesitance, never breaking stride but moving slowly, as if procrastinating the actual encounter. She wasn’t hard to find; he’d known she resided in the Silverwood and finding her scent proved easy enough, but he wasn’t sure he looked forward to trying to rectify things. He figured it would be just like every other time… he’d be calm and prepared, up until the moment where he actually saw her.

Luckily she heard him coming as she left the safety of her den, else Eru may have turned and given up. Now that she’d called out, he didn’t really see a way out of it. Clearing his throat lightly he stepped forward, towards the young doe.

“Tanwyn..” he greeted, unsure of what to say to her, so figuring he may as well just greet her and deal with the awkward silence that he presumed would follow.

-Tanwyn-

Tanwyn had thought perhaps Kipande had made the journey to see her and get a small reprieve from her little ones, or that maybe Ruibh had come to check on her and the baby’s welfare. What she had not expected, was to see his pearly face as he cleared his throat and slowly made his way through the snow towards her.

The doe’s eyes widened slightly, the look of puzzlement translating into one defined word. “Eru…?” She spoke his name as a question as she straightened, assuming he must have been here on business; why else would he come? After all, he had made no attempt to seek her out prior to now since their argument, and she had not seen any signs of his cold shoulder thawing. “Is everything alright? I am not scheduled to return to active duty for some time yet. Has something happened?” She looked beyond him to see if any other soldiers accompanied him, but he was alone as far as she could tell.

The little glowing orb of flame beside her head brightened and became a little larger the closer he came. Tanwyn’s eyes hesitantly reached his and lingered for a moment before she glanced away, feeling anxious and awkward. Why had he come? She was glad he had, whatever the reason. But for as many times as she’d imagined speaking to him again, now that he was here she found she had no clue what to say- her mind simply drew a blank.

“It’s..uh… it’s good to see you, Eru.” She finally conceded.

-Eru-

Luckily for the young pearl stag, his greeting was well-received. To be honest, he’d been somewhat concerned that Tanwyn may not want to see him, or would immediately be angry with him for the way he’d been acting towards her lately. He hadn’t been a very good friend to her, not at all lately, and he supposed that was the main reason he was here. To see her so swollen with fawn pained him somewhat, but that wasn’t his business. He wouldn’t let himself go losing the young doe as a friend simply because she was with fawn.

However she didn’t seem to think he was here on personal business, making sure everything was fine and reminding him that she wasn’t scheduled for anything. It bewildered him somewhat, to the point of causing a small snort of a chuckle, to think that she might have considered he was here to bring her back on staff.

“Tanwyn, I’d be out of my mind to try and schedule you for anything at this point, you know that.” he said softly. “Everything’s fine. I just…. well, I figured I might check up on you, see how you were doing.” He added, glancing down somewhat when she met his eyes. It was hard to stand here and pretend things were fine between them, act as if nothing had gone wrong and they were just as fine of friends as they once had been. Things were somewhat awkward between them now. They hadn’t spoken since their argument, at least not anything besides a quick order from lieutenant to soldier, assigning partners and jobs for the day. She hadn’t deserved to be treated like that by him. It had taken him an intense argument with her and a season of getting his thoughts together and giving her the cold shoulder before realizing he cared for her, and that was the reason it had upset him to see her with child. If he’d taken so long to realize it, how could he possibly blame her for it? He had no right to expect her to have acted any differently.

His ears perked then, as the dappled grey spoke to him with some hesitation. It was… good to see him? He was surprised she kept so calm and quiet even after the way he treated her.

Ears flicking back slightly he glanced to her face, a bit guilty and apologetic for the time that had gone by since they’d last spoken. “It’s good to see you, too, Tanwyn.” he replied softly. His voice was quiet, more gentle than before, having realized in the time it’d been that he wasn’t angry with her. Not at all, really. She had done like any other doe would have done in her situation. No, he was angry at himself, not only confused by his feelings but regretting pushing away one of the few fawnlings he’d dare call a friend, upset with himself for hurting her. She hadn’t deserved any of it; it was all on him.

His head ducked somewhat, unable to muster the generally proud and confident pose he stood with around her. He knew he was in the wrong, and with that knowledge it was hard to be himself.

“I hope you’re doing well,” he spoke, unsure of what to say to the young doe that could possibly make up for what he’d done to her and how he’d treated her. “I’m… I’m sorry for taking so long to come here. I shouldn’t have left things how I did, I know that now. I wish that I hadn’t treated you the way I did. I know you’ve got to be busy with… everything,” he said, glancing to her side with some hesitation. “But I wanted to come and apologize.”

-Tanwyn-

The rose-dappled doe resisted the urge to fidget as the pearl stag drifted closer to her, the glow of her fiery orb illuminating his hide in the otherwise dreary and monochrome backdrop. The play of light shimmered off him in pearlescent ripples and gave him a strangely ethereal appearance. She watched the display with her own subtle discretion, his spicy cologne drifting towards her lazily in the moist winter air. She unconciously drew that scent in deeper, enjoying it’s familiar musk. It was laced with scents of the forest and the vale, of other soldiers… and does. Tanwyn’s throat tightened at this. Had Eru found female company this season after all? A twinge of irritation (Jealousy perhaps?) reared it’s ugly head inside her, but she quickly tamped it back down deep inside. After all, he was free to do as he liked… with whom he liked.

She went back to focusing on the firelight against his burnished coat until he snorted and drew her attention back to his gaze, his words sobering her before he looked away.

She absorbed the words with a moment of silent and rather awkward contemplation as the snow fell all around them. “Oh…” She finally murmured. “Well, yes… I am well. At least, I have suffered no complications. As you can see my time is near. Here within a week or two I don’t doubt.” She refrained from actually speaking any specific term such as ‘fawn’ or ‘child’ or ‘baby’, remembering how angry he had been during their last conversation.

When next he spoke, Tanwyn’s jaw all but dropped from surprise. Was he… apologising to her? She tilted her head, one ear flicking fro as the other slicked back against her skull to emphasize her expression. She had not expected this.

“Honestly, I thought you’d never speak to me again.” She said with a short sigh.

Stepping forward in the deep snow then, Tanwyn stood tall as she came to look upon him face-to-face. “Eru, I am glad you came.” She said with a carefully neutral tone. “I will admit the last time we spoke you hurt me. You were rude, belligerent, and callous for no apparent reason. Your anger confused me and I lost my temper.” She spoke stoically before her voice softened again and became warmer and gentler. “It was only later that I realized that I… that I had hurt you in some way. I never meant to do that. To hurt you, I mean.“

Her heart was beating fast. Tanwyn was not in the business of apologies. But Eru was her friend, and he had taken the initiative to set things right between them. Hell, he’d come all the way out here to her hollowed tree just to do it. And she was glad, because in his absence she had thought very fondly of him, and found herself missing his company with each passing day. Her muzzle was scant inches from his, their warm breath mixing as they exhaled. They could have touched, but she reigned in the impulse, though the desire to do so was very much present. She peered up at him through the thick fringe of smokey lashes that framed her fiery brown eyes. “I forgive you, Eru. Would you forgive me as well? This winter has seemed long and lonely without you around. I hadn’t realized how good of a friend I had in you, or… how much I’ve come to care for you, until I thought I lost your friendship for good.”

-Eru-

The dappled doe didn’t seem too displeased by his presence, and for that, Eru breathed a light sigh of temporary relief. Previously they’d gotten off to the wrong hoof in their conversation, both of them turning so defensive, which only led to arguing. They hadn’t been thinking straight. Or at least, he hadn’t. She had merely been protecting her decision to have a child.. he’d had no right to go attacking her for that or accusing her of anything. It’d been her choice and he’d come to realize he had no choice but to respect that.

Silence turned their conversation awkward from the start as he mentioned he was here to check up on her, though she stayed quiet and calm. Part of him had almost been ready for her to snap out that she didn’t need checking up on, that she could handle things herself, that she didn’t need him watching over her… all her spunky, inappropriately disrespectful commentary he was used to. She was head-strong and strong-willed, but for now she seemed complacent. Still, when his apology came, he could see the shock on her face. True, it wasn’t like him to apologize or admit he was in the wrong… he could only hope she didn’t think he was doing so mockingly or insincerely.

His ears flicked back lightly when she mentioned that she didn’t think he’d speak with her again.

“You decided to have a fawn, I had no right to react the way I did. It should be nothing, shouldn’t bother me, and I know that. I guess… I was confused last time we spoke, too. I didn’t have any right to act the way I did, I wasn’t thinking straight. I was jealous and stupid, acting like some rut-brained colt. You didn’t deserve that.” he said quietly. He knew his implications were clear… he’d been jealous, he’d said. Clearly that alone gave way to his feelings. But perhaps she felt similarly? She said she’d been lonely without him, that she didn’t realize how much she cared for him until he was gone… but surely he was reading too deeply into that. She called him a friend, he wouldn’t push his boundaries.

Still, she was so close to him, just a nose away, and he could feel her breath against his skin, glancing away slightly as her close gaze bore uncomfortably into him. This proximity, it… it wasn’t good, not for keeping his composure. She called him a friend, and he did the same for her, but actions spoke louder and more true than words.

He stood still, moving his head only to glance away slightly from the intent gaze, unsure how to read her words or her actions.

“I’ve put up with you this long, haven’t I? If I were going to end our friendship I’d have to find a much less trivial reason.” the pearl Lieutenant replied with a brief flicker of a faint smile.

-Tanwyn-

He spoke sincerely and was direct. And the words hit her as painstakingly as any tine piercing her breast. ’I was Jealous and stupid….’. Eru had been Jealous. For her. She blinked as her mind digested this, sending her heart into another fluttering flurry she was afraid to fully acknowledge. This revelation made the girl see this stag in a different light… One she had been subconciously avoiding until now. He was her friend. But he was also a very handsome stag. Powerful. Intelligent. Virile. He made her laugh, and drove her crazy, and pushed her to do better, even if it meant criticizing her decisions. She had never thought that he might like her… Like-like her! She was a soldier doe, and he was all about what was ‘proper’ and decent. She went against his tastes… or so she’d thought.

Tanwyn knew that some part of her had always harbored a secret attraction for him, even as they often clashed in personalities and perceptions of what was and what should be. Perhaps that had been why she’d been so angry and hurt by him. Had it been anyone else she could have shrugged off their cruel words so easily. But not with Eru.

And apparently, she was not the only one to feel…something. It was a mutual spark, if only just a hidden ember smoldering between them that neither understood.

As their eyes met and she offered her apologies, requesting one in return, that impulse to reach out for him grew stronger with each passing second. She thought she might catch fire and go up in flames for all the heat that seemed to swirl between their exchanged gazes. Thankfully the buck glanced away first, offering her a rueful reply. She was flooded with relief, and a joy so consuming that before she could leash the emotion her sleek muzzle extended and placed a fleeting lick upon his jaw. “Oh Eru, I am so glad!” The action was chaste, and rather modest as she leaned her head against his neck, allowing her to smell of his cologne for a moment before she came back to herself and pulled away, a blush rising to her cheeks as she gave a nervous laugh and glanced down to the ground. And for a moment she seemed… almost lady-like.

Her actions alone revealed that Tanwyn was simply a lost innocent girl, trying her best to navigate through a foreboding and cynical world that more often than not favored cruelty over kindness. That she wore an armor of stubborn Will and fierce Pride was the only way she knew how to cope. Her mask of unrelenting persistence being the ammunition in which she battled back against her own personal demons and a harsh world. These were merely the walls she had built around herself since her mother’s death, since that fateful day she had vowed she would never let herself be as weak and defenseless as her dam.

Clearing her throat, Tanwyn glanced around them, noting the snow was falling more heavily now. The shadows seemed to close in around them, and they were spared from the darkness only by the glowing orb of flame that hovered near her side. “It is growing late, and the temperature is dropping fast…” She commented softly, glancing to her hollowed tree and then back to the pearl stag. “Would… would you like to stay in my Hollow with me tonight, and share the warmth until dawn? I would be glad for the company,” More than glad, really. At this moment there was nobody else with whom she’d rather spend her time with.

-Eru-

Although he was unsure how she would receive his words, her actions that followed were certainly not what the Lieutenant had expected. Her words were bubbling over with relief as she closed the distance between them and offered a gentle lick upon his jaw before resting her head ever so briefly against his neck.

The stag felt his heart nearly stop. Of course they had touched before, walking close on a patrol or playfully sparring in lessons, but this was entirely different. This was intimate, touching, a careful and quiet romance between the two of them with just the gently falling snow as their witness. Carefully his head craned ever so slightly to hold her to him before the moment ended and she pulled back and let her eyes flicker to the ground with a quiet, nervous laugh.

It was odd seeing her this way, so used to her spunky defiance only for it to be replaced by this innocent lady-like disposition. He couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy it. Her shy gaze was lovely, particularly with the freckles of white snow dotting her pelt. Breathtaking.

So caught up in the moment he shared with the beautiful doe, Eru had hardly noticed the worsening of the weather. Perhaps it was Adhar himself giving them a reason to be pushed closer together. Timidly the dappled doe spoke up, offering him shelter with her for the night. Although her stomach, rounded by another stag, still brought some form of jealous discomfort to the Lieutenant, it was something he was slowly beginning to force himself into looking past. To know she had cared for him in the same way he had cared for her all this time, to know that he’d let her slip into the care of another stag during rut when he could have fought for her… he was more angry with himself, really. Still, there was plenty of time to correct the past. He could still keep her warm during these winter months, still show her how much he cared, still claim her as his own in heart if not in body.